How I Cope with Anxiety

Growing up, I was always a “shy” person. I was always a relatively quiet, nerdy girl, and I didn’t go out of my way to talk to new people or try new things. As I grew older and my ever-growing sense of discomfort amplified, I realized that this wasn’t just a personality trait that I could just work to change–I had social anxiety.

I only had this revelation within the past year or so, really. I always attributed my discomfort in social situations to shyness or a lack of confidence or getting embarrassed too easily, and it was something that I actively worked to change about myself. I would force myself into situations that I knew would upset me or stress me out so I could try to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I would get so worked up about social events or other things I had to do to the point that I couldn’t sleep through the night because my nerves kept waking me.

Ultimately, trying to make myself do things I didn’t want to or could not do wasn’t the best for my physical or mental health.

I don’t really know what prompted me to realize that the feelings I had been experiencing for my entire life were due to anxiety. I think it might have been when one of my friends was describing the anxiety she’d been having since going to grad school. As she was telling me about all the thoughts that are constantly running through her head, I thought, “Wait, you mean that’s not normal?” Since I’d been feeling like that my entire life, I assumed that it was natural or that it was just me. I’d always thought anxiety was a synonym for stress, and I never felt as if I had enough reason to really be prone to stress or anxiety.

For me, anxiety takes the form of fixating on aspects of my life that have already happened and reliving them over and over and over until I can literally think of nothing else. Usually, the things that cause anxiety for me are social situations or events. It doesn’t even have to be a major occurrence in my life for it to make me anxious. For instance, I’ve been getting particularly worked up this week about something I said to my friend back in December that was intended to be a joke but actually came out sounding really mean. It’s been four months, and I’m probably the only one who remembers it, but it’s still been keeping me up at night as I replay it in my mind. Or yesterday, I said something in a class presentation that I think sounded too defensive in retrospect and I’ve been worrying that my professor thinks less of me now (teacher’s pet, I know). Or just an hour ago, when my friend made me go to an illusionist’s performance and, despite my overwhelming fear of audience participation, I somehow ended up on stage and OF COURSE I said something awkward and now I’m convinced that people are going to laugh at me until I graduate.

Maybe this kind of worry and paranoia are normal and maybe even healthy when they come in small doses. But when I can’t take part in a conversation or watch a YouTube video or even fall asleep without getting worked up about it, these feelings start to pose a detriment to my health.

Over the past few months, I feel like I’ve noticed my social anxiety start to worsen again. I’ve found myself actively trying to avoid social situations so I won’t embarrass myself and cause myself unnecessary anxiety. Like I’ll be totally fine with making plans to go to the bar, but as the outing gets closer, I’ll start to come up with reasons why I can’t go or come up with a plan to leave immediately. A few months ago I spent literally an hour trying to work up the courage to follow my crush on instagram, and then I couldn’t fall asleep because I instantly regretted it and was sure he thought I was some creepy stalker.

As I get closer to my college graduation, I realize that I can’t keep living my life in a constant state of worry and anxiety. And even though I learned the hard way that I can’t force myself into situations that are undoubtedly going to cause me more anxiety than they’re worth, I’ve started to find ways that I can combat the social anxiety I feel after the fact.

I’ve recently gotten super interested in astrology and wellness, and one of my favorite podcasts on the topic, That’s So Retrograde, recently discussed the use of mantras in wellness practice. This is something I’ve been trying to work into my routine when I’m facing a particularly strong bout of anxiety. As I’m trying to calm myself down, I remind myself that I’m the only person who remember the one sentence I said that’s been sending me into a frenzy. This kind of hints at the word “sonder,” which is the sudden realization that every passerby as a life equally complex and vivid as your own. I try to make myself remember that everyone around me has their own problems and worries and embarrassing moments and honestly? They’re too preoccupied with their own lives to think about one stupid thing I said once. I mean, I don’t remember every little detail of the interactions I have with random strangers, so why would they? I find that this reminder helps me to ground my emotions and to put everything into perspective; if I’m the only one who views the situation as the most life-shatteringly catastrophic thing ever, it probably isn’t.

I also try to keep in mind that even if others are laughing at me or they do remember whatever I said or did, it probably won’t be for long. I call it the Donald Trump Phenomenon. Donald Trump can say something that should spell the end of his political career on Monday, but it’ll be out of the news within 48 hours because he’s already said something even worse by Wednesday. The same thing’s true with the rest of us: people might be thinking about the dumb thing I did for a little while, but soon enough someone else will do something even more ridiculous than what I did. After that, I’ll be old news and no one will remember my awkward moment. Our lives can change so drastically within seconds, so nothing stays within the collective consciousness for long.

In addition to these kind of meditative exercises, I’ve found more physical ways to combat my anxiety. I try not to be alone when I’m particularly worked up about something; I’ll make myself go sit in my living room with my roommates who are doing homework, even if we’re not talking. Everything seems less earth-shattering when you have another person there to ground you. If at all possible, I try to go somewhere else too. I might take a drive and go to Starbucks in Delaware or spend the day at the mall. It doesn’t really matter what I do, but I find it easier to distance myself from the anxiety inducer when I’m at an actual physical distance from it. It’s a temporary solution, sure, but even the drive can help clear my mind sometimes.

Out of all the ways I’ve tried to reduce my anxiety, I’ve found that the most productive way is through writing. I’ll work on a blog post, and even if I don’t publish it, it gives me the opportunity to contemplate something else for a bit. I’ll work on a poem or a short story, immersing myself in a different world that doesn’t suck for a few minutes. Sometimes I’ll even just copy down song lyrics or quotes or poems…literally anything that requires a bit of attention and allows me to focus on something other than myself or my emotions.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the kind of person who won’t experience social anxiety; it’s clearly been an integral part of my life experience. But that doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to cope, which is really what all of us are trying to do anyway.

It’s Not Easy Being A Political Science Major

A while back, one of my favorite journalists, Matt Bai, retweeted the following comment on Twitter:

My answer to friends/family who say ‘this must be such a fun election for you to cover’ No, it’s not https://t.co/VorGg2OHOl

— amy walter (@amyewalter) May 27, 2016

Though I’m no journalist (despite my high school ambitions to be just like Rory Gilmore), the same can be said of political science majors.

I obviously love politics; it’s why I chose to major in political science in the first place. (That, and the whole Rory Gilmore thing; I still can’t let it go). In middle and high school, I had some incredible social studies teachers who instilled in me the importance of being able to try to see the other side of an argument in order to better your understanding of your own thoughts and beliefs. It’s why I’m willing to respect anyone of any political persuasion as long as they can explain their reasoning to me; I have little patience for anyone whose immediate rebuttal is “He’s an idiot and he’s wrong,” which is my dad’s go-to comment about Trump. It may be true, but that statement has no content. Saying that doesn’t make you any smarter than Trump.

I’ve been waiting for this election for years. The first election I ever paid close attention to was the 2008 contest. I was caught up in the excitement of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, both of whom I thought were exciting candidates because of what their elections would mean for American history. During the 2012 election, I was a senior in high school and taking a class called Global Diplomacy in which we would discuss current events and hold debates and Model UN sessions throughout the year. In November, we held a presidential debate, and I was forced to debate on behalf of Mitt Romney. I was frustrated that I had to figure out how to defend someone with whom I did not agree in the slightest, yet my team ended up winning the debate because of our strong oration and research skills. At the end of the week, I came out of the debate sure as hell that I was a Democrat and very, very aware of why.

Like most college students, the majority of my closest friends are also political science majors. That’s simply the way it works out, especially at my school of 1500 where the political science department is around 15-25 students. We’ve been in the same classes and clubs for four years, so we’ve gotten pretty close. And as the election season has heated up, I can say with near certainty that the majority of political science majors that I know, both liberal and conservative, feel the same way I do: scared and frustrated.

At the beginning of the primary season, I thought everything was pretty funny. There were, what, upwards of fifteen candidates for the Republican nomination? And I was actually laughing during the first Democratic debate, especially at the interactions between Hillary and Bernie. And I had to cheer a little when O’Malley was all, “Excuse me, have you been to Maryland’s Eastern Shore?” when Bernie tried to assert that Vermont was more rural than Maryland. My school is in the middle of a cornfield, Bernie. Is that not rural enough for you?

Now, though, I keep my mouth shut when people are talking about the election. And now that it’s basically down to Hillary and Trump, it’s going to get even worse, especially since this is going to be the most polarizing election in recent history.

I’ll come right out and say it: I’m a Hillary supporter, and I have been all along.

I know this isn’t always the most popular opinion, but from where I stand, it’s hard for me to support anyone else. For me, it goes beyond the politics and into the political science of the candidates and the election.

First, there’s the fact that Hillary is a woman. Before you go there, I’m not voting for Hillary simply because she’s a woman. However, I think it’s important to understand just how important and how historical her nomination is. Generally, men and women alike claim that they wouldn’t vote (or not vote) for a candidate based solely on gender. However, according to Sarah Fulton’s “Running Backwards and In High Heels: The Gendered Quality Gap and Incumbent Electoral Success,”these biases manifest themselves more subtly. According to her research, in order to achieve the same rate of electoral success as male candidates, women must score one standard deviation higher on the political quality scale (which measures political experience, performance, integrity, dedication, etc.) than their male counterparts. This means that the female politicians who are being elected to office are of a higher quality than male politicians even though the latter outnumber the former. And this is after women endure differentiated socialization, self-selection, and low recruitment from party officials, all of which make the pool of female candidates fairly small to begin with.

Simply put, it’s hard to be a woman in politics. I’m only 20 and I’m starting to see that for myself already.

And don’t even try the whole, “It’s hard to be in politics at all.” I never thought about it until this year because I’ve never taken a sociology class, but it’s so true that young boys and girls are socialized differently to believe that they are capable and deserving of different things. My parents taught both me and my brother that we were capable of achieving anything and everything we wanted, yet I know this isn’t necessarily true of others. For many people I know, the negative effects of this differentiated socialization comes after the most formative years. Just a year ago, this guy in my Congress class asked why I wanted to go into international law “because it’s really hard.” I know that, and I’m not the one who asked my committee to write my amendment for me because I didn’t know how to word it. One of my roommates was told by a college career counselor that it didn’t matter what she majored in because she could always just be a stay-at-home mom like her own mom; while there’s nothing wrong with staying at home with your kids, there is something wrong with insinuating that my friend wasn’t suited for the career that she wanted. Men are taught to believe that they can have whatever they want, so they take it, while women will work harder for a longer period of time in order to prove that they’re qualified.

It’s undeniable that Hillary Clinton has more qualifications for the presidency than any other candidate in this election–hell, any other candidate in history. If Hillary isn’t our first female president, I’m doubtful that I’ll see another female candidate get this far in my lifetime.

I also have a problem with the people who are attacking Hillary’s character and arguing that she’s a liar and has done all these illegal things. I’ll admit that I don’t agree with all of Hillary’s policy positions, including her environmental policy, which is one of the most important issues for me, but I’ve got some news: you are never going to find a candidate that you agree with on 100% of policy points.

If you want to enact real, substantial policy change, you shouldn’t be looking to do that on the presidential level anyway. I swear that I’m the only person in America who paid attention in her high school government class (got a 5 on the AP Gov exam as a sophomore, woo!), but the president doesn’t actually have much say in terms of policy. Sure, he or she can use executive action and can “advise Congress” (whatever that means), but even these have little influence on actual public policy because 1) presidents get huge amounts of criticism for the use of executive action in their first term, so they are largely hesitant to use it, and 2) Congress is so gridlocked in the first place that it isn’t going to listen to the President’s recommendations. The biggest influence the president has over policy is the the appointment of executive officers and judges, and that’s going to be done based on partisanship, not on minute policy details.

Basically, if you don’t like what’s happening in American politics, vote for a different Senator or Congressperson.

On a side note, I’d like to point out that while the most recent Congressional approval rating is a mere 18 percent, the majority of Americans approve of their local Congressional representative. (The actual Gallup statistic was 54 percent in 2014, but I’ve yet to find a more recent number. However, I’d like to point out that the overall approval Congressional approval rating for the same month in 2014 was 14 percent, so my point still stands). If you want something to change, you might have to realize that your representative might very well be part of the problem, even if he seems like a chill guy who you wouldn’t mind getting a beer with and watching a baseball game. #America (Homestyle campaigns. It’s how they get you).

This ties back to why I prefer Hillary over Bernie. I think Bernie has some great ideas; I think he’s definitely on the right track with his higher ed and healthcare plans. But how, exactly, does he plan on getting these passed through Congress? He’s in his second term as a Senator and served in the House for 16–two places where he actually had the power to introduce such legislation–yet he didn’t. How does he think he’s going to manage this as president when he’s going to be facing a Congress that’s just as gridlocked, yet he’s even more of an outsider because he doesn’t have any real lawmaking power? Honestly, I struggle arguing with Bernie supporters for this reason: I agree that he has good ideas, but so many of his supporters seem to spend more time praising Bernie for his revolutionary goals and hating Hillary for her past stances than looking at the practicality of politics.

As for her “illegal” activities, I’d like everyone to explain to me why what she did was so bad. I understand the whole email and Benghazi “scandal,” but here’s one for you: after an 11-hour long hearing in front of the House Benghazi committee, a committee that was designed specifically to attack Hillary’s chances at the presidency, she emerged unscathed. I’m not even speaking as a Hillary supporter here. During the hearing, Congressman and candidate for Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy told Fox News that the goal of the committee was to prove that Hillary Clinton was “un-trustable” (because apparently the word untrustworthy isn’t what he was looking for here), and that it was serving its purpose because her poll numbers were, in fact, dropping. Funny twist of fate when, just days later, her poll numbers were restored and he was forced to drop out of the election for Speaker of the House because he had incriminated his party so badly.

Honestly, if a group of House Republicans selected specifically to ruin Hillary Clinton’s political career couldn’t prove that she did anything wrong, how can you?

Like I said, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I stand by that. But honestly, before you go around screaming that you’ll never stand with her, think like a political scientist.

Because this is definitely not the election I was hoping for.

Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

I, like every other person in the world, begin the new year thinking, “This is it. This is going to be my year.” I pledge that I’m going to lose weight or find love or accomplish something huge and all-around life changing.

But somehow, within a month, I’m back to how I felt in December of the previous year: defeated, cynical, and just fucking done with it all.

So this year, I’ve decided to make resolutions that are not only realistic, but will contribute to my overall mental wellbeing (because God knows after the hell I went through this year, I need more of that in my life). I’ve decided that 2016 is going to be the year I take care of myself and do what I want to do instead of trying to please everyone else. I’m 20 years old; I shouldn’t be constantly worried about everything in my life.

So without further ado, here are some of my resolutions for 2016:

1. Take of my makeup every night before bed.
2. Read more (and read more for fun, not just depressing medieval lit/Victorian age poetry for class).
3. Add something to me journal once a week.
4. Listen to more Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco because good ol’ middle school emo music never fails to put me in a good mood.
5. Use my planner every day.
6. Learn how to blow dry my hair so it’s not a weird poofy mess (anyone who has tips for blow drying curly hair straight/slightly wavy/generally pretty for those who have tried everything and are still clueless, please help).
7. Don’t get stuck on things that don’t matter and I have no control over.
8. Let things go.
9. Breathe.
10. Keep being the awesome person I am.

Here’s hoping I’m able to keep at least one of these (even if it’s just the Fall Out Boy one–so far, so good with that!).

Becca